{WW} phobia

I’ve never been very fond of planes.

I remember when I took my first flight. I was thirteen and needed a ride home from Creston after helping Karen when she had Ashley Jayne. Karen brought me to the little tiny airport in Cranbrook, B.C. and kissed me before I climbed into the little turbo prop plane that took me over the mountain ranges to Grande Prairie, A.B. It was a tremendously bumpy ride and I was all nerves.

When I was seventeen I flew down to Oklahoma to drive back with Pam when she was done teaching school there. It was my first time navigating a huge strange airport (Minneapolis) by myself. I also sat by a very fat man that tried to make conversation with me and I was freaked out.

But probably the biggest thing that has fuelled my dislike and aversion for planes was Gord and Adrian’s death in 2000. They built and owned a little two-seater plane, each working on getting their pilot’s licence. April 24^th their plane went down in a little patch of trees and marsh marigolds near Delmar and Brenda’s farm.

I’ve never been the same.

Our honeymoon was two and a half months later; a mixture of tears and laughter, sorrow and happiness. I surprised my dear new husband and myself by cowering on his lap, in tears, when a little plane flew close overhead. I talked lots about my fear of planes, only to find out that this dear man by my side was very interested in planes.

We were only married a few months when as we stood together in our front yard we witnessed a little plane from the airport school in Saskatoon practice his spiral and recovery. I lost it. Completely. I bawled and bawled.

I’ve tried real hard to work with myself. With a husband who likes to travel, I really have no options except to buck up and go with. Often, I’ve been comforted that at least our family is together if the plane goes down. Our trip to China was really, really hard for me. There was no way I was going to leave Wyatt at home even though it did really seem like he would be better at home. I fought it. In the end we decided to leave him and we updated our will, making it official at the lawyer. Every flight and many times during our trip, I wondered if this was my last day. I imagined Rennie's with Wyatt. I hoped they would buy our house.

I don’t know if I have a phobia of planes or death or what. Maybe it is grief and dealing with the happenings of my life. I do know that I feel much better than I used to. Flying is much easier than it used to be. And hopefully this journey can make me more understanding of someone else.

Things that bring me joy...

We all have this longing for beauty, for acceptance, for joy, for all the good things we perceive and understand God to be. And we all fall short. In my constant need for God I battle with thoughts of self-worth and discontent. I forget so easily the beauty He has given me and the blessings He bestows so graciously on me every day. I forget to be thankful.

The other day I was reading in my bible and the verse popped out at me with such clarity; And be ye thankful! It’s a command. It’s God’s admonition to me for this daily battle of tired mommy-brain, a houseful of men and the constant demands of busing school children/youth leader agendas/meal making/housecleaning, etc. Be ye thankful!

So today, I write another list… a thankful list.

1. 1.       My happy home.
2. 2.       A wonderful husband.
3. 3.       Three healthy children.
4. 4.       A Christian home.
5. 5.       My lovely house.
6. 6.       Warm weather.
7. 7.       Spring winds.
8. 8.       Budding trees.
9. 9.       Birds singing.
10. 10.   Swan pairs on the little lakes.
11. 11.   Pat’s parents.
12. 12.   Chai tea.
13. 13.   Fruit pizza.
14. 14.   Bren.
15. 15.   Coffee company.
16. 16.   Good friends and good gabbing.
17. 17.   Jodi.
18. 18.   Texas caviar and chips.
19. 19.   My big new pantry, in coral. :)
20. 20.   Rocking Wyatt.
21. 21.   Singing with Wyatt.
22. 22.   The boys all jumping on the tramp together.
23. 23.   Rhubarb growing.
24. 24.   Frogs croaking.
25. 25.   Planning a homemade ice-cream party for the youth.
26. 26.   Folding laundry on my big cutting table in my laundry room.
27. 27.   Marble-look counter tops.
28. 28.   Quilts.
29. 29.   Googling Caramel Praline Sauce and finding a good recipe.
30. 30.   Misty and the look on her face when I brought her a set of tiny little owl erasers.
31. 31.   Fresh bread.
32. 32.   Candles.
33. 33.   Green grass.
34. 34.   Boys that smell like woodsy shower gel and deodorant.
35. 35.   Ice water in a big clear glass.
36. 36.   Fresh strawberry jam.
37. 37.   Baseballs and bats, guns and ammunition, fishing rods and tackle.
38. 38.   Lockers.
39. 39.   Little camouflage rubber boots.
40. 40.   Boys, little and big, playing in the dirt in the garden.
41. 41.   Vanilla Biscotti Coffee, compliments of the Keurig.
42. 42.   Dark floors that hide a multitude of sins dirt.
43. 43.   Wade and Wyatt, playing together.
44. 44.   Seeds for the garden.
45. 45.   The safety of the church.
46. 46.   Books from the library.
47. 47.   My treadmill.
48. 48.   Pert Plus Shampoo.
49. 49.   Shirts to iron and jeans to patch.
50. 50.   Water for cleaning and washing and showering.
51. 51.   Hot water.
52. 52.   Zach setting the table, totally of his own accord.
53. 53.   Colby laughing almost ‘til he cries over Wyatt’s wise words.
54. 54.   Pat holding Wyatt during church.
55. 55.   Raspberry sauce (and cleaning all the raspberries outta my freezer.)
56. 56.   Crystal Kearnan staying for lunch.
57. 57.   Talking to my mom on the phone while I walk.
58. 58.   Blue summer sky with white fluffy clouds.
59. 59.   My string-of-pearls houseplant.
60. 60.   Tractors and seeders gearing up for planting.
61. 61.   Hope.
62. 62.   Joy in the journey

Chicken Penne Alfredo

Here's an awesome good recipe, sorta a Swanson hit, and rather fattening. :)

3 cups penne noodles
10 tbsp butter
1/4 cup flour
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 tsp Italian seasoning
1/2 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp salt
4 cups chicken broth
2 cups cream
1/3 cup cornstarch
Parmesan cheese
3 lbs (4 large) grilled chicken breasts
1 pkg (12-16 oz) bacon
Mozza Cheese

Cook penne noodles. Drain and set aside. Melt butter. Add flour, onion and seasonings. Saute. Mix broth, cream and cornstarch and stir into onions, stirring until thickened. Add penne and stir a few minutes. Heat through. Layer into a 9 x 13 pan: penne mixture, Parmesan cheese, chicken, Mozza cheese and bacon. Bake at 400 for 15-20 min or until hot and bubbly.

Serve with Caesar salad and garlic cheese bread. Enjoy!

My notes: This does not fit in a regular 9 x 13 pan! And I use Hormel bacon bits.

Chalk Board

I've been forgetting, but this is what I did (my own version, of course) for my spring chalkboard. :)

Things that bring me joy...

• another shopping day with my sis
• a Sunday dinner invite
• congregational Easter program - so so inspiring
• frogs croaking
• sitting out by McDonald creek watching the glassy water flowing and a rich vibrant sunset and hearing the red-winged blackbird's throaty song 
• fun pattern suggestions from cousin Geri :)
• cleaning up the basement and storage room and putting ALL the books back in the big Ikea bookshelf 
• setting up the Papasan chair again (with the boys bright pillows inside) right beside the bookcase
• jars of brightly coloured pencil crayons and markers on the window sill in the basement and the sun reflecting colour all over the room
• folks bringing us supper one night and babysitting while we went to youth meeting!
• silence

{WW} Newspaper Clipping

Swanson Swapping’s Edition 1, Page 5, April 12, 2015

Esau’s Sport a New Skylight in Master Bathroom

As you all well know, Sunrise Builders has been labouring long and hard on Pat & Jo Esau’s dream cottage during the last two months. As of Thursday, April 9^th, Esau’s have become the proud new owners of a skylight in their master bathroom. “Though not exactly in our dreams and plans, we have decided to embrace the possibilities of this new adventure” Pat proclaims. Esau comes from a background of good old-fashioned ingenuity and he is certain there is potential for more than meets the eye at this point. Jo is a little more skeptical, beings she’s the one to most often take things at face value. “Less isn’t always more,” Jo was heard to say, at the scene of adventure, gazing upwards. Though neither Pat nor Jo seem to have definite plans for the finishing of the latest project, they are unanimously cheerful that the way the skylight came about did not involve a fatality of involved person(s) accomplishing this astonishing feat while completing the roofing job. Updates may or may not be available at personal inquiry: pjesau@sasktel.net or 1-306-493-3227.

Things that bring me joy...

• Bright teal doors in my entrance. :)
• Door handles on the bedroom doors. Ya'll, don't take it for granted!! ;)
• Another heart sister gifty - a beautiful little devotional book and Caramilk Easter eggs in a cute box. :)
• Heather stopping for coffee yesterday after busing; showing her my house and a good visit.
• Bringing a bunch of clothes for Russia to sewing. 
• Borrowing a bunch of books at the library again.
• Seeing Wyatt with the chicks at Rennies.
• Hanging stuff on the walls again.
• LOCKERS!!! I'm yelling but it's so exciting I can't help it!!
• No men (other than mine) in my house today!! :) lol

Some Explanations...

I haven't exactly been present here lately. Or reading others blogs. My life has been rather haphazard with all the work going on here but things are looking up! More on that soon.

I had a lovely weekend with my Isaac family. Maybe I'll write something about it soon.

We updated our filter on our computer and it's blocked all my blogger accounts for the last six weeks. And I've had too much going to change anything until now.

And today I have a sick child and a very grouchy one at that. So, anyway.

Let's talk soon.

{WW} Heavenly Places

It was late. The hospital lights were dim. Uncle Orlan had so kindly bought us each a hotel room just down the street but our hearts were with dad. We knew he didn’t have much time left. The pain wracking his body made him moan. The pain medication gave him tremors. Two huge cancer lumps had grown in his neck overnight and we were thankful he was not responding anymore.

In the quietness and darkness, Karen sat on one side of dad holding his hand and visiting with Uncle Orlan. Bren sat on the other side of dad, holding his hand and dozing. Softly and quietly dad breathed his last. He lay with his eyes shut, the pain immediately erased from his face.

We stood together, my siblings and I, our spouses close by. It was almost a physical feeling… so close to heavens’ gate we stood, so close we could almost hear the singing, the rejoicing on the other side.

We stooped and kissed his cooling cheeks. We held his hand, though still, now clasped in God’s.

Good-bye, my dad, good-bye…

And the tears flowed.

It’s almost ten years later but the poignancy is fresh; the memories and pain, though hidden, flash back quickly, blindingly, staggeringly.

We spent the weekend at the Goldeye Center near Nordegg, AB with my Isaac family. Uncle Orlan’s and Aunty Cheri planned our gathering and put a lot of work into it. It was worth so much to me. It was like I was given permission to remember my dad and his heritage and bask in it.

The uncles stood together and I tried to imagine dad with them.

The siblings and spouses stood together, leaving gaps were Uncle Gerald & Aunty Maryanne, dad and Aunty Fay should’ve been. We asked lots of questions, Uncle Gerald’s family and ours. The uncles told stories and we really had a grand time all together.

For me it was a heavenly place.

Then we went to Stettler for Ralph Klassen’s funeral. Mom, Penny and I left Nordegg early Sunday morning. We stopped for a Timmy’s breakfast and talked straight time all the way there.

At the funeral we met the family… My heart hurts for their hurt. Somehow it seems so familiar. But it was healing and good to be there too, to listen to the singing, to meet old friends and to meet a bunch of writing group friends.

I am truly blessed.