Something Has To Give

I know it's just my stage of life and the time of year, but it's just not possible to get everything done that needs to be done.

The pantry shelves are almost sagging with the load of row upon row of canned veggie juice, salsa, green beans and jams, jellies and pickles. The freezer is loaded down with sorted boxes and bags of sweet corn, raspberries and strawberries.

The wind whips through the empty garden. Only a few flowers remain and the large mounds of rhubarb plants. My shed is partially sorted through. A pile of hooks lie waiting to be hung on the walls and the rakes, shovels, forks and edgers are piled high on the back deck, awaiting disbursement.

The pool needs to be emptied and taken down. The picnic spot needs to be tidied and winterized. The flower pots need to be emptied and redone for winter.

And this is only one small part of life.

We have schoolboard duties. And busing. And teenagers. And a grade one boy. And a sick grandpa. And parents on a month-long holiday with house and thangs that need to be looked after. And puppies to train. And a million trees that need to be moved within the next week. And a wedding in November. And a shower I'm helping with. And school meeting in Linden. And windows to wash.

And so.

Something has to give.

And someone needs to remain calm and peaceful. And learn to laugh a bit more.

Just saying.

Puppies and a Snow Storm

Now that my little boy is in school I can hop in the vehicle with my husband for a day trip here and there. The other day it was to Regina, about two and a half hours south of us. He had a meeting and needed to deliver a load of couplings to Sask Power. So, I sat in the vehicle and wrote lists of all the things I needed to do back home. Colby and Pat had been out late the night before, harvesting. I had an evening booked for planning Jess's shower. And so, out of the blue (well, not totally and completely, but sort of), we went and bought two puppies.

I am not exactly a dog fan. But we've known for a long time that our boys need another dog. And probably a puppy. And probably sooner than later. But oh! The work! The training! The poop! Any thought or talk about it sent me running to my room to lie under my bed. Not literally, of course. But mentally. I c.a.n.n.o.t. raise a puppy, as well as my boys.

And so.

And so. 

Why not two, instead of one? Why not these cute little mutts we found on kijiji for pittance? Why not today?

And this is how I find myself at home by myself these days, scooping poop. Teaching little girls to sit. Feeding on a schedule. 

I named theme Phoebe and Gertrude. They're a pitbull, wolfhound cross. They are adorable. They are fun. They are busy. Help.

And over the first days of having these babies at home we also had an unseasonable snowstorm. Maybe six inches of heavy wet snow that bent the trees with all their lovely fall leaves almost in half. Some branches snapped off. Some trees I went and shook to save the branches.

Colby went and rolled in the huge pile of snow on the deck (in his swim trunks). Wyatt made snowball after snowball, huge ones. And the dogs barked. I stood shivering under the trees waiting for them to poop while large clumps of snow plopped down around me.

This is not for the fainthearted.

In Which Summer Flies By

So Zach graduated this year, by himself. He is quite a dashing young man with his black hair and all. We threw him a grad party; pizza, chocolate cake and baseball. It doesn't really get better than that. My mom came out, all the while wondering if Aunty Rosalie would die while she was here.

The end of June we took the bestest ever camping trip way up north (same old, same old) with Rennie & Bren and their family and Ster. It was truly the best. We had hot hot days. One evening while I was showering in the dark the fireflies flitted overhead and the loons song echoed around me. We had a bear in our camp; a young-ish black bear that was interested in old food and not us. Bren and I sang campfire songs loudly to it and bravely chased it away with a stick!

A week later Pat took the youth boys camping at the same spot, rain and cold the whole time. Then Wyatt and I hitched a ride with Jason and Miranda and their four kids and we did another camping adventure with them. We had such a good time. They were good sports, for sure, never having so much as tented before. It was a real deep dive from the safe shore for them. They said they loved it. And that's what counts.

And then. Hold your breath. We went camping again. To the same lake, this time with Arlen & Jodi, Bri, Justyn & Nicole, Chris n Mik. It was so great!! Our 'regular' spot was taken so we took a much smaller space around the corner and pitched our tents in rather close proximity to each other! But it turned out great! Some highlights from this trip were watching a bear swim from one island to another, eating wild strawberries, raspberries, blueberries and gooseberries (there is simply nothing that beats wild fresh berries), the large fish jumping at night (hmm, where are Colby and Zach anyway?!), and bootin' it outta there when the skies were fair and lovely because of a storm coming. And were we ever glad. We got some cute little cabins in town that night and when the winds came up and the lightning flashed one old tree landed on our cabin. We were glad we weren't in our tents.

We had so many meals around our own little campfire at home, as well. We watered garden. We hosted teachers prep. We worked and played, fished and picnicked. Mowed the yard and went swimming.

The last week before school started Alex spent the week with Pat's mom (and some of that time with us), Grandpa Esau hurt his back again and no one else was home to pick up the scattered pieces except us and we spent every day at school or shopping for school. It was truly a three in one deal. But we managed. And even kept a bit of humor intact.

And just like that it's fall. The nights are cold and it gets dark so soon. Colby and Zach are both enrolled in grade 10 online which has proven to be a little larger than I had imagined. Wyatt is in grade one. Some days my head spins. But most days we are so joyful and grateful to be where we're at; frying pancakes early in the morning, picking huge bowls of ripe tomatoes and peppers, canning up apple sauce, juggling calls with public school teachers and all.

In Which Wyatt Goes To School

I'm trying to do a bunch of free writes. Hopefully I can joggle the old brain and see if I can write again.

So Wyatt started school on September third. I want to capture these moments. He's six and a half, not super tall, very slim and fast and wiry and fun. He's reading short children's books. He's self taught in his reading but has quite a propensity for large words. He is my only child who has done this.

Some things I worry about with him starting school is how sensitive he is. He gets embarrassed over the minutest things. And how in charge he is. Will he boss the whole school around? My other two boys are followers and quieter people. This one is in charge. This one is the alpha male.

Another thing that's a little hard with him is that he still struggles with asthma tendencies. He's so very much better than when he was a baby inhaling baby powder and Raid. But he still gets a fever instantly and a serious croupy cough that can turn asthma-ish without his medicine. And so, of course, I'm this mama that doesn't know when to send him to school. If I was willing for him to bring his puffer and use as needed I suppose he would be fine. But the puffers scare me and I go natural with him as long as possible. I guess his teacher is his fine and lovely cousin who would learn the puffers if I wanted her to but... we shall see.

PARENTING IS NOT FOR THE FAINTHEARTED.

I'm sorry. I yelled. But this whole thing of sending another feisty handsome man through nine grades of school scares me. And it's almost funny, starting again in the youngest class. We've been used to upper grades for quite some time. Also, I'm glad we don't have a year of no school children like some of our friends.

On we go. Making little lunches. Home for early bedtimes. Cuddles and stories together. And listening to all the funny stories that come home from school.

Did I mention that this child talks far more than my other two put together?

It's interesting.

the big 4-0

so here i am.
middle aged. i never would have guessed that i would be so much my little girl, sixteen-year-old, gone through all the things self. i'm still me. just older. hopefully a little bit wiser.

i absolutely loved my birthday. i think it was the best one i've ever celebrated. i felt loved and special. and i let myself totally love the idea of being forty. no holding back. bring on the next forty years!

my people went out of their way to make it a special day. we had a big fancy tea party at pat's mom in the morning. complete with mini baked cheesecakes with fancy paper lace liners and all the loveliest toppings. all the things in white and lace and pink and gold. old fashioned tea cups and hot tea in china tea pots. fruit and dip. and mini quiches. pink lavetera and white mums. so many lovely gifts.

so many grateful thoughts. i am so very blessed.

my goals for the future:
aging gracefully, gratefully, happily
smiling
thinking a little bit longer before i speak
practicing the 'they meant it well' outlook

things i'm especially grateful for at 40:
a great marriage
3 great kids
that we're as far down the road with our kids as we are
old friends
true friends
my mom and sisters
my dear mother (in law)
Jesus

things i'd like to learn and do:
make sour dough bread
volunteer again in palliative care
start my own coffee/fabric shop
get my GED
take a course on writing
take a course on excel/word
refinish our table
paint our bedroom furniture
update our kitchen
change my garden spot
raise lots of breeds of hens

I am from.....

I am from leather couches
from kuerig machines and induction stove tops.
I am from the charming two story farmhouse
fresh bread baking and essential oils.
I am from the manicured lawns of underground sprinklers,
old gnarled maples and stately elms,
perennial beds with old wagon wheels perched close.

I am from evenings sitting around the fire
and meals at consistent times every day,
from Klassen and Isaac,
from quiet humor and impulsive story telling
and a giant heart for the down and out.

I am from voices full of inflection while reading
and 'it will all be better in the morning'.
I am from large Christmas gatherings.
I am from Grande Prairie, AB and German Mennonites,
roast beef in a crock-pot and rhubarb crisp with ice-cream,
from manly interest in planes, dirt-bikes, drones,
a tableful of men discussing mechanics,
tents, axes, jackknives and guns,
a favourite island on Otter Lake,
loons, bear, wild strawberries and pounding falls.

These Days

• First day of school for my littlest boy. I need a dozen emojis.
• coffee with Melanie, our tradition for the first day of school. And this will be our last year as this is her girls last year in school.
• FALL - I'm not sure at all how we hit September so quickly. But here we are with colored leaves and chilly nights and fresh corn on the cob.
• Last week I managed a three in one week; a week of helping/visiting Grandpa Esau once or twice a day, a week of Alex, and a week of school prep and shopping.
• My two oldest are officially enrolled in grade 10. I have no idea how this will go.
• Our two oldest got baptized in August.
• These two have both worked full time all summer. Praises be.
• We totally outdid ourselves with camping trips this summer. I shall write about them all someday. I hope.
• I am so excited to go forth from here...

IFF - An Animal

A cat is a beautiful, sleek, aloof creature which should on no terms ever be allowed to live in my house. A cat must feed on rodents and keep their population under control. A cat must be smart and agile and keep itself clean. It is playful and cute and baby kitties shall be the sweetest thing ever with their fluffy fur and playful ways. But a cat must keep it's distance. And it shall never ride in my vehicle during the winter. And it must sit and preen itself in the sunshine and cast a lovely shadow on the deck.

IFF - 10 Things I'd Tell My Before Marriage/Children Self

1. Life isn't fair. I did know this but I wish I had been taught better to accept life and it's uncertainties and not to dramatize so much.

2. Thankfulness is everything. The bible says, in everything give thanks. This one thing makes life okay. Thankfulness really is the answer.

3. Core Values. I wish I had had more of an idea what I wanted for core values before I had children. I suppose we all have our things and it's okay. But it doesn't hurt to think about where we want our children to go as adults and how we want to get there. Only looking back I realize that these are my top core values.

• Jesus first.
• Be nice to EVERYONE.
• Respect yourself and everyone else.

4. Confidence. I really do wish I had been taught more confidence and especially in the area of food. We have to have confidence ourselves to teach our children confidence. You can do this. Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Learn to laugh at yourself.

5. Laughter is truly the best medicine. If you can laugh at yourself, it's gonna be okay. Let go.

6. Mental health is important. Exercise. Take your vitamins. Get enough sleep. Drink lots of water. Practice thankfulness.

7. Love is a choice. You decide to love and respect your husband. Your in-laws. Your children. Your fellow board wives. Your staff wives. Sometimes it's hard. That's okay.

8. Everyone means well. Maybe they don't but practice thinking that they do. It's not your problem if they don't.

9. Let the kiddos be creative. Don't let others judgement of neatness, cleanliness and properness affect your own judgment. They are your kiddos. What's most important to you? That they have an imagination and can figure things out on their own? Or that your house was clean for company on the weekend? I know. We want both. But sometimes we have to choose.

10. Choose JOY!!! It's a choice. When life looks big and scary, go small-small with your joy bucket. Do things like examining a single snowflake, building a fire in the fireplace and inhaling the outdoor, woodsy smell or sniffing your little boys head after a bath. Or how about this. When the entrance door bursts open and little bodies clamor in, falling over each other and the boots, toques and gloves get flung under the chairs and on top of the gun-case, you smile and look into their sparkling eyes, kiss their cheeks and smell the clean winter-y smell of fresh air and oxygen.

IFF - Black & Blue, Physically Hurt

So here's the thing. I need to walk and exercise. I've got this lifetime struggle with big hips and a mommy-tummy. And it may seem silly, but only a couple months of no walking - Nov, Dec, Jan - really had me packing on the pounds. Not to mention Christmas and goodies and self-control. It's just hard to squeeze them all together. So... wam-bam.

It was time for me the trail. The treadmill. The exercises.

I walked two miles at four point two miles per hour like I (ahem) usually do. I did my 9-minute session of squats and donkey-kicks and crunches.

Well. Lo and behold. It was not an easy day, er, week. My super long toenails cut my feet. My legs ached. My feet ached. It took me a while to start walking each time I stood up. I tried not to look at my husband grinning behind his book as he watched me out of the corner of his eye.

I am proud to say I made myself walk again the next day.

And the next.

And the next.

I've missed some days but I'm confident that my exercising hiatus is officially over. My muscles are no longer black and blue. I'm gonna be okay.